I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
