Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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