RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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