Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Randomize
