It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
pray to the hookup gods
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
