Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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