The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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