We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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