Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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