I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
