Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
