Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize