I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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