Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
