we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
