I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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