im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
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