There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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