A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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