I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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