So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
