I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
