So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
