I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
