I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
