I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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