dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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