I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
