you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
