I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
