Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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