At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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