So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
