he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
