I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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