i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There's always time for handjobs
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
