How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize