the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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