bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
