I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
