Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
