I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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