i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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