No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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