my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
