I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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