Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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