I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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