Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
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