I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you would pick up someone in the library
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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