He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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