oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
