i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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