You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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