why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
