so explain again why im purple
no
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My ass is underappreciated
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
