i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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