Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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