my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
