Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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