Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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