smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
