so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I need a beard to bite.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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