Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
