Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
